Snape's Class
by Angelfire10082
Summary: Snape teaches Sex ed.


Snapes Class  
  
Snape practically ran to Dumbledores office thinking of why he would want him in his office. "Maybe he's fireing me and I wont have to deal with those snob nose brats anymore,or perhaps he's giving me a raise for dealing with those little basterds everyday!"thought Severus to himself.  
  
When Snape entered his office his smile quickly was replaced by a frown, as Dumbledore handed him a book titled " What teenage wizards and witches dont know about sex". "Whats this?" asked a befundled yet pissed Snape. "Well as you know Severus the sex toll in this school has gone way up. It was just last week I caught little Neville and Ginny doing it in the girls bathroom,the one moaning mertle haunts." Said Dumbledore with a smile. Snape really had the urge to ask Dumbledore why he was even in the girls bathroom,but thought better of it. "So,I have decided for you to teach sex ed. instead of your regular potions class for today,so for one day you will be known not of the Potions master,but the Sex mas...Uhhh..Prof.Snape as usual. Now run along there are a mesh of hormone raging teens in your room right now!" Dumbledore said with a big smile. Snape left muttering obscene words.  
  
When Snape entered his class it had his usual students acting rude and obnoxious. "Settle down class,today we will be learning of not how to kill each other with poison,but about that little monster in the wizards pants and the dark cave that the monster likes in the witches,or in other words the owls and the Flubberworms.",the class all looked at him in disbelief. "Yes class today I will be teaching you about sex. Now here are my rules.. First you will not ask questions,second there will be no discussion about my sex life and none of yours, thirdly no questions,and finally after today you will not even say the word "sex'' in my room. Do I make myself clear?" asked Snape. A familar silence filled the room,"Good."said Snape. "Now we will start with the... "PENIS!" interupted Harry from the back of the room. Snape turned around "Well,well,well Dont we know our body parts,but it seems the body part that you are refering to does not belong to you, isnt that right Mr.Weasly since you seem to know Mr. Potter *very* well...." The class started bursting out in laughter,Ron blushed. "Dont be embarresed about your sex preferance,he's just jealous because he cant have none of this.." Said Harry standing up with his pants all the way down to his knees. "Well,it seems your looks are'nt the only thing you inheareited from your father,you have his size penis to,I remember when we were in our expirementing stage.."said Snape as if he was reciting his favorite memory "...and me and your father...uhh...Just put it away Potter" said Snape as just coming to reality. " Yeah Harry put it away,its making me uncomfterble."said Ron,squirming in his chair.  
  
"Now that we had our fun"Snape began,"Lets get back to class,shall we? Ok now as I was going to say lets start out with protection. There are many ways to protect yourself from getting Pregnant or getting.." "HERPES!" inturrupted Harry once again." POTTER IF YOU INTERUPT ME ONE MORE TIME I"M GOING TO..."Screamed Snape,but what he was going to do with Harry nobody knew because at that time Lucius,a.k.a Lucy,entered the room. "Severus will you join me outside for a few minutes"Started Lucius,he then looked at the board and saw that it said sex and under that it said protection. "Hogwarts is now teaching sex education!!!!" Screamed Lucius "Well you see..."started Snape until he was inturupted again by Lucius,"I am so jealous..Thats not fair I wish they taught that to us when I was here,then I would'nt of had that little accident and I would not of had to marry that hidious old hag of mi....Ohhh..Hi Draco." Said Lucius now realizing that his son,aka his lil accident,was in the room. "Huh?" asked Draco puzzled,"Hi!"Said Lucius,"I am not!! I havent smoked a joint in three days!"Said Draco offensivly,taking it the wrong way then what Lucius intended for it to be. At that point the bell rang for next hour,the class all moaned because they wanted to stay in there and learn more..all except for Hermione who found it a complete waste of precious learning time,"I could of been studying for my big charms test!...".  
  
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Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K Rowling  
  
~*Angelfire*~ 


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